Touching Feet & Side Hugs: How Respect Looks Different
The first time my American friend saw me bend to touch my grandmother’s feet, she nearly dropped her latte. “Are you okay?” she whispered, as if I had fainted. My grandmother placed her hand on my head, murmured a blessing and then asked my friend if she wanted more poha.
💡 QUICK INTEL
Indian Gesture: Touching elders’ feet to seek blessings
West Coast Norms: Handshakes, hugs, waves, first-name greetings
Core Idea: Respect is both visible and physical
Pro Tip: When unsure, let the elder decide how to greet
Why Indians touch feet in the first place
In many Indian communities, touching an elder’s feet is a physical way to acknowledge their place in the family tree and ask for blessing. You bend down, touch their feet or knees, then your own forehead. They respond by touching your head or shoulders and often saying a short blessing.
The act compresses gratitude, hierarchy and continuity into a few seconds. It appears at big moments, such as exams, marriages and departures, and also during ordinary visits. It is less about personal humiliation and more about plugging into a chain that started generations ago.
Why West Coast greetings feel flatter at first glance
On the West Coast, greetings aim for equality. You shake hands, hug, nod or say “Hey,” often using first names regardless of age. The ideal is a flat hierarchy. Physical contact is guided by individual comfort, not rigid roles. Children may hug grandparents and teachers in the same way.
For Indians used to clearly marked gestures and titles, this can initially feel casual to the point of disrespect. Teenagers greet elders with “Hi” and flop onto couches. Over time, you start to see respect in other behaviours: in how carefully adults listen to kids, in prompt texts, in the seriousness with which people follow through on promises.
How West Coast Indians combine both scripts
In Portland, my child calls elders “Aunty” and “Uncle,” but does not automatically touch their feet. When grandparents visit from India, we explain the custom and offer it as a choice. At Indian community events, you see many greeting styles in one room. Some children bend to touch knees. Others do folded-hands “namaste.” Some hug. Elders adjust with varying degrees of comfort and amusement.
When West Coast Indians travel back to India, they often revert to older scripts, especially with grandparents and older relatives. For unfamiliar elders, a polite “namaste” with folded hands is usually safe and appreciated. For cousins, side hugs and enthusiastic waves return. The body acts as a translation device between different expectations of closeness and respect.
“India taught me to locate respect in my spine, in the act of bending. The West Coast taught me to locate respect in my boundaries, in the act of choosing how to greet.”
— Priya
The Verdict: There is no need to exoticize touching feet or to dismiss hugs as casual. Both are cultural tools for signalling care. Pay attention to who initiates, who is comfortable and how people talk before and after. You will see that respect lives less in the exact gesture and more in the attention behind it.